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| Niasvizh Castle |
For whatever reason, be they sitting in saunas, throwing
back vodka or tractor-riding, there are currently fewer than 100 covid cases in
Belarus. (Think I’m kidding? See the Washington Post article “No
Lockdown Here: Belarus's strongman rejects coronavirus risks. He suggests
saunas and vodka.” As a result, we’re not totally locked down like many
seem to be. We are doing most of the buzzword stuff, like “social distancing”
and using “an abundance of caution,” but we still free to roam a little, as
long as we’re loaded up with hand sanitizer and wipes. (Incidentally, the
Belarus hand sanitizer is a liquid, not a gel.)
Faced with another weekend of being “socially isolated,” a
friend with a car suggested we dart off to a city an hour away to take a little
break. At some point. The odds will no longer be in Belarus’ favor and everything
is going to hit the fan but right now, we’re OK so long as we take precautions,
so we got the boss’s blessing, loaded up the dog and took off for the area of
Niasvizh and Mir, which are technically still in the Minsk region – and blissfully
uncrowded.
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| Game room |
After a quick stop at the McDonald’s drive through for
breakfast, we hit the road and saw some countryside. Except for the train ride
to Vilnius, it was my first time outside the immediate area, and Minsk’s sprawl
surprised me. It’s still fairly small, but it’s a lot bigger than I first thought.
Niasvizh isn’t a big area – maybe 15k people – and, as far
as I could tell, the castle and the church are the only things to see. Having
arrived at 10 a.m., there really was no one there, and it was nice to see swans
(and their baby ugly ducklings) swimming on the peaceful lake in front of the
castle. I plunked down about $7 and spent an hour exploring the place.
The last castle-like place I’d explored had been Dolmabahce Palace
in Istanbul, which pretty much sets the bar for ostentatiousness. It’s absolutely
huge, and Niasvizh didn’t touch that, but it was still grand. It wasn’t on the
Bosporus, but it had a moat and a fantastic spot to get a photo of the castle
and its reflection.
My favorite rooms were the arsenal and some kind of room
with dead animals. Trophies. Holy cow, the place reeked of testosterone. In the
very first room, there’d been a scone with a candle in a funky cool shape. When
I got to the animal trophy room, there were rows of black things in vaguely
that shape. Initially, I thought that’s what I thought they were, but then I
realized they were some kind of peasant. There were bearskin rugs, stuffed
bears, moose heads and even some claw-like things that came off a unidentified
animal. I’ve never seen so many dead things artfully displayed on a wall.
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| Canine Cannon |
The arsenal was also pretty cool. I tried to think what
hand-to-hand combat must have been like but I can’t wrap my brain around it.
The U.S. and its frenemies have been “social distancing” mass killing for awhile
now; the idea of going in to battle with a spear or similar is not something I
can grasp. I can’t imagine a situation in which I could drive a knife into
someone or beat someone with a mace.
To defend myself against claims that I’m most impressed with
dead animals and weapons, I also loved the princess room and some other room
that had white and gold walls and ceilings, plus two mirrors opposite each other. It was
bright and cheery.
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| Flying wolf skin rug |
The castle dates back to the 1500s, well before central heating.
As a result, there is a giant decorative furnace in every room, and those were
total works of art as well. It’s really amazing how creative people could be in
putting things together then. One
furnace, in a dining room, was completely tiled from floor to ceiling
(and the ceilings were incredibly high) with several different kinds of tile,
all totally different.
After grabbing some really good drainiki for lunch (table
wiped down with disinfectant wipes first!), we headed a half an hour away to
Mir to see the castle there, which also goes back to the 16th
century. We were able to explore the castle a little more than just walking through
the rooms – there was a Jewish display in one of the towers. The stairs were
pretty darn steep and scary, but it was worth it. (I can say that since I didn’t
have to be med evac’d out.)
The two castles were similar, which makes sense because they
were owned by the same family. And that meant there were more dead things there.
I’d never seen a wolf skin rug before, and now I’ve seen three, including one displayed
on a wall. It looked like a giant, morbid flying squirrel.
I guess that’s what people did for fun then. Now, we ogle
their world.
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