80s again: Bon Jovi’s still got it

Those teeth. They’re perfect. Even from section 228, that was easy to see. The rest ain’t so bad either.

Jon Bon Jovi is something like 53 or 54 now, but man, the show last night had enough energy to prove he’s still got it.

It was so cool to see a show in Macau – the Venetian! – and having it be one of my 80s-90s favorites was a good choice.

 

Cotai Arena at the Venetian seats maybe 10,000 or so, and the band played two shows. I’m not sure what the deal was on Friday, but last night, they had some sections blocked off and the rest, including the seat in front of me, was not sold out.

Honestly, until the concert ad appeared in a newspaper we get at the office, I had no idea Bon Jovi was still around. Apparently there is new music, and of course there’s enough old stuff to fill a two-hour show.

I’d wondered about the opening act, and the show started a bit late – 8:20 or so, as opposed to 8 p.m. – and when unfamiliar music started after a bright (and often annoying) light show and a gray-haired guy in a gray shirt and black pants came out and started singing, I sat there wondering who the heck it was.

The voice wasn’t familiar at first, but once the chorus started I realize it was Jon himself. Oh, man. There’s less hair than in 1987, but that’s not a bad thing. 80s hair is not something to be proud of. What were we thinking?

And for the record, of the six members of the band, three still wore their 80s manes, including the keyboardist, whom my concert companion likened to a Muppet. He was very proud of that curly (likely permed) hair. He should not have been.

Anyway, Bon Jovi’s had work done, but man, he looks good. His teeth are perfect and the chest and arms weren’t far behind. Sadly, the behind is not something I ever got a good shot of. Every time he turned around, the camera operator would focus on one of the two guitarists instead of the jeans-wearing lead singer. Clearly, the mobile camera operator was not female.

I’d only heard about half the songs, though I did like the “newer” ones. (One was from a 2008 album, he said.) Very high-energy, although the strobe lights were a pain in my eyes. I continue to be impressed that light and sound people can choreograph so well.

My evening was amazing, but it didn’t start out that way. I’d commuted four hours to the show and I started out with a baby migraine due to dehydration. Although I’d been drinking water, I didn’t have enough of it and the commute was sunny and involved a lot of walking.

For lunch, the group of four had gone to a local diner and I’d had ramen noodles with a pork chop. As by that time, we were all famished (around 3 p.m. after an 8:30 a.m. start.)

***Obligatory TMI warning***

Trying to fend off the migraine (even though it never works), I pounded both a Coke and a bottle of water before the show. We had excellent seats -- top level, corner, three rows off the rail, on the aisle. And, importantly, a straight shot to the bathroom. By the time we sat down, I was feeling like I was going to puke. My concert companion and I were talking about our first/last/favorite concerts and, suddenly, it hit me. I said, "I'm going to the bathroom," and RAN up the stairs. Cannot emphasize the "ran" part more. Fortunately, it was mostly empty and there was a stall.

I didn't throw up. I pooped a ton of diarrhea and farted so loud/much that I need no DNA testing to prove I'm Zippy's daughter. It was awful. I don't think there was anyone else in the bathroom, though. Certainly no one who’d point fingers at me the next day or five years from now.

Went back to my seat, still feeling like I was going to toss my cookies and my companion offered me two Fishermen's Friends. I ate them slowly -- I thought the first one would put me over, but went through with the second. The vice in my skull continued tightening.

Then the show started and about 30 minutes in I realized I felt better. So I'm not sure whether it was the mints, Bon Jovi or the releasing of the gas. When I get migraines, I often feel like if I could just burp enough they'd go away, so maybe that was it. Either way, I felt fine by "Runaway" and spent two blissful hours gaping at the man's chest, arms and teeth.

I would have gaped at the tushie, but they didn't put it on the big screen.

There are just so many people here.

 I’m not home yet, but am on my next-to-last leg: I just boarded (barely) the high-speed train, which should deliver me to the Guangzhou metro (the last leg) before the Kiwi sisters on the tour finish their lunch. I should be home with a load of laundry completed by the time their flight leaves this evening.

Shanghai Nanjing St. The humanity!

All in all, I’m glad I came but am ready to go home. Shanghai is a spectacular city and although I was a little disappointed with our tour – we went to a garden and a Buddhist temple, woo-hoo – we had two free nights and I had a ball.

The pedestrian street and the riverfront were incredible and filled with more humanity than many people see in their entire lives. The pedestrian street, in particular, was just crazy insane. Kind of like a Mardi Gras parade every day and night, but with no alcohol. There were people dancing, singing, doing karaoke (obviously, this is different than singing!), playing games, eating, laughing, talking and standing in line for moon cakes.

The bull marks the stock exchange

It’s almost the Mid-Autumn festival and moon cakes are the big thing. They’re little cakes filled with everything from pineapple to pork. If you’re not sure what they are and are expecting a moon PIE, you’re in for a big surprise.

Met up with a friend here and did happy hour with him, where I had a fabulous non-Chinese burger before a little walking tour of the city with him. It’s really a fantastic place.

And teeming with people. Did I mention that?

It seems even the small towns are. We went to a “village” of 1.5 million. That’s where I had a bite of scorpion. It tasted like crunchy spice. Not bad, but I was spitting out little shells for a while afterwards.

A bamboo eating machine

The Terra Cotta Warriors, in Xi’an, were definitely the No. 2 highlight I thought they’d be. Over 600 of life-size guys (complete with infantry, cavalry, archers and command center were commissioned by some dynasty emperor to guard his tomb but subsequently destroyed when the next dynasty’s followers smashed them to pieces.

In the 70s, someone unearthed a head, which led to digging, which led to several football field-sized tracks of tunnel filled with pieces. Archaeologists have been putting them back together and in their original formation, which is pretty incredible.

So that was cool, as were Chengdu’s pandas. I’ve seen the triplets in Guangzhou, but they had more here, including some cubs and little kitten-sized babies. One guy, whom I admired greatly, managed to sleep standing up in a tree.

Catching a nap

Really, everything went fairly great and it was all it was cracked up to be. Had I gone alone, I would have done some different stuff but I went with a tour because I speak no language and didn’t want to deal with it. I think it went well, although when the tour group split – 26 went on a cruise and then 13 went directly to Shanghai – I was ready for that.

Some people just don’t need to be touring in groups, or in Asia. It was surprising to me that some don’t do any research about where they’re going. It’s no secret that Asia – along with much of the world – has squattie potties, but some people were completely shocked by this and a small handful of those refused to use them. Since they are few and far between, a 5-minute bathroom break on the road turned into a 20-minute one because people would stand in line to use the one Western toilet over the 49 squatties.

Terra Cotta Warrior army

Waiting on others is the part that’s frustrating about tour groups, and this one was no different. We had 15 minutes to explore Tiananmen Square on our own, but when 38 out 39 gathered on time and one person was wandering, the lot of us had to stand in one spot for another 15 until she turned up. We could have just had 30 minutes, which would have been ample time. How it was got frustrating.

Terra Cotta Warriors

But it’s give and take with a group, with the usual suspects doing the giving and the taking. Oh well.

And now I am going to settle down for a nap on the train We’re at the moment going 306 km an hour, which would be around 190. It doesn’t seem like it.

Another brick in the Wall

After living here since December 2013, I am finally touring China!

As I write this, I’m on Day Two of a 10-or-so-day tour within China, but nowhere near Guangzhou. I left there on Thursday and headed to Beijing to meet up with a group that’s mostly from America, but there are a couple of Torontonians, Vancouverites, Ozzies and Kiwis.

Today, we climbed a part of the Great Wall of China, which is something I’ve wanted to do since I found out I was being posted to China. I opted for the “harder” side, as opposed to the “hard,” and it was a piece of cake. I think 60 minutes per day on the elliptical has finally paid off.

Forbidden City

These are the steps I climbed today. I went to the one directly on the top center of the photo from the green building. I finished really early and then went up the other side to where this photo was taken from. I wound up pretty much coaching another lady through the end of it. She was having some trouble!

So far, the tour has been great. The mix of people is good: two Kiwis, two Ozzies, three sets of people from Florida, one group from Michigan, four people here alone and people from Atlanta and other random folks from mostly California and New York.

We do have some older people who are abnormally (in my opinion) focused on tipping. The subject’s been brought up four times. Thing is, there is no tipping in China. It’s an American thing, and other western country natives hate us for it. Let it go.

Tonight, we had a free evening for dinner on our own, and I met up with a former colleague from Guangzhou who’s now posted here. Just got back and boy, it was good. Dumplings are just awesome. Plus, it was nice catching up with the colleague, who really is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met.

Tinnamen Square gate

There’s an early morning tomorrow – so early that I’m still debating just staying up and finding the game somehow. I figure come wake up time, it’ll be about over. The flight is at 8.

We’re headed to the Terra Cotta Warriors, in X’ian, a 2-hour flight from Beijing. This is my No. 2 highlight-to-be on the trip. The Wall is an absolute No. 1. I was not leaving this country until I saw that, and boy, it was worth it. I mean, I only saw a little part of it, but I’m happy about it.

After that, it’s Chengdu, where the panda research center is, and then to Shanghai. We fly between all those cities and I figured I’d be sick of flying by that time, so I’m taking the high-speed train home. It’s seven hours, and the trains run on  time. The airplanes, not so much.

Anyway, I am thrilled to finally be seeing China. It really is a cool country, and Beijing is just phenomenal. We’ve really only hit highlights; you could spend a week here and not see it all. Or come close to tasting it all.

I’d planned this as a swan song trip when I was targeted to leave in December but now that’s been extended. That means I’ve got more travel coming up, and it’s mind-boggling what I intend to do in the next month: Bon Jovi in Macau, Kathmandu, Taipei.

My passport is raising eyebrows on this trip. I figured Beijing would see enough of the black ones, but the ladies at this hotel were completely confused. I have 27 exit stamps and they’d just never seen that before. It’s really bizarre because there aren’t many entry stamps. I use the personal passport for travel outside of China, so my black one only shows when I left, not where I went to. (I do use it to Hong Kong, but they only give you little pieces of paper instead of stamps, which is good because I’d be out of space by now!)

When I checked in, it was late because the directions I had were bad. (I’d taken them off the hotel site, go figure.) I got in just after midnight and I just wanted to go to bed. The ladies both tried to convey something to me, which they spoke in Mandarin into their iPhones. One then pointed to my visa page and pointed to the translation, which said, “Can you put it here?” Needless to say, I had no idea what that meant.

And I couldn’t figure out why they just didn’t keep my passport – there was a collection of U.S. ones on the desk – and give me a room key. I was so pooped.

After more speaking into iPhones, the other lady (who was maybe 23), showed me the translation. Closing my passport, she pointed to the words on the iPhone screen: “Can you leave it here?” I realized she meant my passport in its entirety. She was trying to convey exactly why I had been wondering about.

The thing is, we’re so reliant on those stupid tech tools we’ve forgotten how to communicate. Honestly, had she just mimed putting my passport with the others and handed me a key, I would have figured it out, but both ladies were just so insistent on speaking into their devices for the “correct” translation that never occurred to them.

All right, I am going to upload this now. The internet is taking forever, so right now there’s no photo to go with the photo reference, but it’ll make more sense later.

Stay calm and keep drifting.

Had a blast today on a rafting trip. A group of 21 of us went to someplace about two hours away to go rafting. It absolutely poured in the morning at the meeting time and during the ride there, it was pretty bad but once we arrived, the weather was fine.

And man, it was so much fun. I’ve only been rafting twice, and this was different – we didn’t have any paddles. They called it “drifting,” too, not rafting. So we were thinking that this might not be the whitewater weekend we’d planned, but it turned out to be really intense!

The rafts only held two people; I teamed up with Joi, who’s a lightweight. She’d bought one of the giant water guns and a little scooper thing we figured we’d use to target our friends in nine other rafts and however many other tourists in the rest of the boats.

And man, to the Chinese, it was a random Monday, but it was crowded. Without any paddles, we really did wind up drifting, and pinballing off each other. Right off the bat, Joi and I got caught in this circular pattern in one tidal pool, going in circles for about 10 minutes before someone liberated us.

The rapids were pretty intense, and some of the drops were pretty steep. Most of them were, really, and Joi and I just hung on for dear life. We’d emerge from the whitewater and start bailing water out, throwing it at other rafts. Joi was shooting left and right, and we kept getting caught in others’ crossfire. It was just so much fun.

At another point, I managed to scoop up a helmet that someone had lost, which worked out well since at a previous point I’d lost our own little scooper thing. Eventually, I found someone else’s scooper thing and bailed and bailed.

Joi was a hoot. I really thought I was going to lose her. We were facing each other, and usually going down the rapids, one of us was facing the front and the other was facing the back. When it was me going down backwards I just got a kick out of Joi’s face because she was just in hysterics. I just laughed and laughed. She told me I was just so calm the whole time and she was freaking out. Yeah, who’s calming the Marine?

I swear she was going airborne at one point and I felt like I was going to accidentally kick her because my legs kept flying up. The rocks were really shallow and when we went down some we’d feel them scraping our butts as we went down, and then we’d bounce off a big rock somewhere. At one point, we just hit rapid after rapid and smashed into some rock and I felt my entire neck jolt and crack, like you get at the chiropractor’s. I figure I have a good shot at waking up tomorrow with whiplash, but what a way to go.

It topped off a wonderful holiday weekend. I’d gone to Hong Kong and visited a friend there. She’d recently gotten a bunny and we went and splurged on him. It was cool to see a pet again, and he was fun to watch hop all over the apartment (which had a great view).

We also watched another colleague in a jujitsu competition, ate at a Michelin-star restaurant (It’s a famous one that they have in Taipei, too, and I’d know the name if you said it but I can never remember.) I did not go to a movie or get a haircut, which were two possibilities for the weekend, but I did opt to get a pedicure after eating one of the best three burgers I’ve ever had in my life.

Earlier this week, I got to play “hysterical woman” in a Marine drill. Weirdly, though, even though I played the victim, I got yelled at. “Get down on the floor!” Quite honestly, I could see how innocent people sometimes get mixed up with police. Even though this was just a drill, it was kind of confusing. The “bad guy” dude in my scenario had the (big plastic) “gun” and but it was me getting my shoes taken off. I found out later that one of the other “victims” in a different scenario had grabbed a (little plastic) “gun” and started shooting marines, which contributed to my treatment, but it was a confusing thing in the moment. I was thinking, shouldn’t someone be trying to console me? My colleague just a (big plastic) “gun” pointed at me and now you’re yelling at me to show me my hands? (And worse, you called me “m’am!) I needed a hug.

We were the last ones to do it and had no idea how long it would take to get to us. Our cue was something like “When you hear the radio,” so every time we heard something we’d start arguing and he'd wave the (big plastic) “gun” at me. It was supposed to be an argument over money, but we were adlibbing about every grievance about work we could think of. “Standing desk! Get me a standing desk!”  Early on, a guy working late came running down to the office, not realizing it was a drill. That was funny.  I thanked him for coming to my rescue.

Special someone

On the hunt for my Netflix, I checked my mail the other day and discovered that not only did “The Imitation Game” arrive, but I had a card from a special little girl.

Riley’s my favorite 5-year-old, hands down. She’s started full-time school now and has smitten her teachers with her smarts already. (I don’t know this for a fact, but I’m pretty sure that’s the case.) She’s also a cutie, so this Hula Girl is the whole package.

Riley also gives me a reason to fight my way through Chinese stores, because I like to send her little stuff that I find here. We’re talking really random stuff, like plastic hamburgers filled with some kind of Play-doh stuff, a map of Hong Kind Disneyland or Kinder Eggs.

For those who are not familiar with Kinder Eggs, they are these German chocolates shaped like an egg and the size of a regular chicken egg. They’re hollow and have little toys inside them. They’re in many, many countries, but not the U.S., mostly, as I understand it, because we’re way too litigious. In other countries, they’re smart enough to watch small children eat the eggs and make sure the kids don’t choke, but in the U.S., we don’t pay attention and let them choke, so then we sue. Therefore, the kind folks at Kinder figure we’re not responsible enough for their eggs. Which is a shame.

Anyway, Riley’s mom is more responsible than most American moms and Riley is good with the eggs. I sent one with a Disney something-or-another inside and got a request for some more. I don’t usually get requests, but was happy for this one as Kinder Eggs are sold on grocery store shelves here; it’s not like I go through a treasure hunt to find them.

And Riley appreciated the eggs! In the mail that day, I got not only my Netflix but also an envelope completely filled with stickers and addressed to me.

Inside was a sweet card with, “Dear Linley, I loved Elsa and the Kinder Eggs, love Riley.”

Not only had Riley scored some Kinder Eggs, but also some Disney (questionable licensing) figurines at a cool toy market I found on the way to the glasses market.

So what a sweet letter by a special kid! It’s going up in my cubicle next to the ones James and Ashley sent me.

She also thought of my prior to my trip to Florida last September and sharpened her art skills in my honor. On my visit, she presented me with a wonderful bag man and moose-ish clothespin figure. I’ve kept them on my nightstand since.