The elevator game

Since there are so many big buildings in this megacity, elevators are a way of life. Up and down, constantly.

But what’s more constant is the wait. I am glad my building doesn’t have more than 20 floors, because a lot of times, there’s no rhyme or reason with the elevators.

My building has something like 16 floors (allotting for the non-existent 3, 4 and 14) and we have two elevators. But they’re not on the same system, so it’s sort of like betting on horses as to which one to call and hope.

Most people just hit both buttons, even if, say, you’re on the UG (second, I think it means “ubove ground’) and you need to go up to the 8^th floor, which is where I live. Never mind that one might be on the 9^th floor and going up and the other one is on the ground floor and going down.

I can respect the fact that you want either elevator to get there ASAP, but c’mon, people, use common sense. Don’t tie them both up because it’s pretty obvious that the one on the 9^th floor isn’t coming your way any time soon. And since they’re not on a system, that other elevator is going to still come to you, possibly delaying someone else’s call.

But common sense never prevails.

I remember taking Nic and Zac to Ron Jon in Cocoa Beach. They were something like 3 or 4, maybe, and completely unschooled in the way of elevators.

Fortunately, there were only two floors and very laid back people in Ron Jon who didn’t seem to mind that as soon as the doors opened, no matter which side they were on, both of the kiddos did the bum’s rush thing to get in. Screw everyone else, here we come.

Now, that’s one thing from a young ‘un, though I tried really hard to curb it and explain that people getting ON need to stand back for the people getting OFF first.

Little did I suspect that my nephews were Indonesians in training.

My God, the simplest of concepts go over people’s heads here. It’s to the point where you want to smack people. If you’re trying to exit an elevator, it’s remarkably frustrating to have even three or four people trying to muscle on when you’re trying to get out.

Let us off first. What a concept.

And the people getting off are often no better. I get on the ground floor and push “8.” The other people will push 12, 16 and 19. But they stand, Kocur-like, with their nose in the door, forcing me to push around them to get out. 8<12<16<19. Me first, thank you.

I try to get on, and it’s the same thing. People just stand there and you have to basically shove your way in, even if there are only 2-3 people in a large elevator. It’s not that space is lacking, just intelligence.

I’m clueless as to how people can be this ignorant of their surroundings. I’ve been on elevators headed to the 11^th (top) floor at work and once we get there, people just stand. HELLO? This is it, folks. It’s not a “go and come back.” Get off. (And yes, the Gordie Howe elbows come out again, not only for them, but to get by the crowd that’s standing *right in front* of the doors when all I want to do is head to work.

Most people are too busy texting to even notice where they are, I think. I don’t get that, either. The world around you is a fascinating place. Look around once in awhile and participate in it.

I swear I just don’t get it.

The funny thing here about behavior in elevators is the reaction to the “open” and “close” door buttons. The unwritten (or heck, knowing the funky laws, fatwas, regulations, decrees and bylaws here, it might be written for all I know) is that you MUST MUST MUST press the “open door” button AS SOON AS the elevator stops. Never mind it’s automatic and you’re just some Pavlovian responder, you must press that button as many times as possible until it opens.

And, the second people step off, it’s pertinent that you push the “door closed,” because, you know, that half second you may or may not save really makes a difference in your destination time.

It’s kind of funny when you get on an elevator loaded with people and, since no one makes room for you, you can’t get in any further than the control panel and you *don’t* press the button. You can feel the tension – people are standing there thinking, “What a fool bule, doesn’t know the elevator game! Should I squeeze past her? No, better not – I think she can take me.” And then the door shuts on its own anyway.

Yeah, I have to get my kicks when I can.

Sometimes elevators bring surprises, too. For a long stretch, my building, which has two elevators, only had one operating. This was a great source of frustration for everyone in the building, I think, because you really had to just wait and wait.

But during the day, it got really weird. The service elevator was the one working, and occasionally I’d notice that it would start on 12 or something and I’d hit the button to go to the UG floor. It’d go to 11, then wait. Then to 10, and sit there awhile. Then 9, same thing.

But once it got to me, the doors would open and ALL that would be in there would be four trash cans. ??? Seriously, it was like Oscar the Grouch was just pushing buttons.

I still haven’t figured that out.