These boots are made for splashin’

Even in Indonesia, Ace really is the place.

In a failing attempt to look like the Morton Salt Girl, I headed out last week to the hoity-toity mall to get a poncho and boots. I fear the rainy season.

With good reason. In yesterday’s paper, we had a brief that mentioned a 55-year-old woman had fallen into an open drain and died.

That’s bad enough, but to add insult to the poor woman’s death, the Jakarta administration defended the many open drains in the city, saying that having no coverings on the death traps “allow the drains to work better.”

Uh, right … because people fill them with trash, thus jamming the waterways and backing up the floods? Seriously? And no, of course, the reporter didn’t follow up on that insipid comment by asking how, exactly, having gaping holes in the sidewalk that, as Jimmy would say, if the floor caves in, you go right straight to hell, helps the drains "work better." In this case, the floor’s *already* caved, in, too, so on your way to hell, you don’t even have to pass Go.

I was going somewhere with this.

Oh yeah, to Ace.

I came in last year at the tail end of the rainy season and it just gets really messy. We’ve had our little previews here and I’m not looking forward to it, so I intend to go armed.

My commute, currently, is on foot. It’s about 35 minutes. I’m fairly confident that I’m not going to be able to sustain this during the rainy season (I’m scared of lightning, especially, but the rats get braver too) because we’re not talking Florida thunderstorms, we’re talking Jakarta monsoons. The kind that causes flash floods and kills people.

Now, for reasons only people who have experienced this traffic nightmare that is Jakarta can understand, my commute time will likely get LONGER when I take a car. Yeah, in normal places, a car can make the, what, two-mile trip – in less than 10 minutes (including parking), but here it doesn’t work that way.

I’ll likely have to wait 20 minutes for a cab, then sit in it for another half-hour as the traffic doesn’t move whatsoever and take a non-direct route due to the directions of the streets and the fact you just can't turn right or left.

With each rain, it’s like that first Detroit snow of the season: Oh! Precipitation from the sky! What is this devastating plague? How do I react? I know I do this year in and year out, but tell me again how to drive? I forget! Let me honk the horn while I figure it out! … That sort of thing.

So basically, whenever possible, I plan to hoof it. Even if it means getting wet. But to lessen the effect of the wet look (it doesn’t look good on me), I’m trying to prepare.

On my day off, I headed out to the mall, not really knowing if Ace was the place or not, but that was really the only place I knew. I tried the two malls and the Walmarty store and came up empty, so I had to hold out hope.

And, dear God, Ace *really* came through.

First of all, they had gobs of Christmas decorations, which threw me not because it’s Thanksgiving but because it’s about a thousand degrees outside. I have so much trouble dealing with the months here. I can keep track of the days, but I look at my watch and am like, “Holy crap, it’s November?” – this happens several times a week (at least during November).

Wandering through this amazing store – seriously, you have to see this place – I found an entire rainwear display. (It was right under about eight unfolded umbrellas hanging from the ceiling – isn’t that bad luck?)

The display included an entire mannequin, fully outfitted in a two-piece rain suit and BOOTS. Oh, man, I was so happy to see the boots. I really thought they were distributed in some underground community of which I couldn’t earn an invite. George Costanza would understand.

They had ponchos, too, and I opted for the red over the yellow, dashing my Morton Salt dreams. The red specifically had an “on sale” tag and the yellow didn’t. But, honestly, it was as much because my boot options were limited to black with either green or red highlights. As much as I liked the thought of looking like the Moroccan flag, they turned out not to have the green ones in my size.

Yanking off my shoes (yes, I wore shoes and socks for the occasion, not just the sandals. I do try to step up from bule trash once in a while) and sitting in the middle of the floor drew some bizarre looks, but what do I care? They’ll get wet. I’ll be dry.

The boots weren’t priced, and I wanted to find out how much I was in for. Now, I’d paid about, I think, Rp 300k for the not-really-red highlighted tennis shoes. (Apparently, Indonesia has an issue with what red looks like, because the poncho matches the shoes, and they are just not what I consider red.)

Since boots are bigger, I’d carried about Rp 500k with me – around $60 or so. I mean, I had NO idea how much the things would cost. But, after finally tracking down someone to help me, I found out my “proudly made in Indonesia” boots were only Rp 72k – like $8!

What a bargain.

Naturally, it hasn’t rained during my commute since I’ve bought them, but I’m OK with that. Heck, I’d be OK with just leaving them in the closest until I leave here. They’ll make great barn boots.
So I’m armed for the wet season, but I don't think I'll ever be ready.